


all the good that won't come out of you

by Gay_as_fuck



Series: There's Going to Come a Day When You Feel Better (but when that day is coming who can say) [4]
Category: Fire Emblem Echoes: Mou Hitori no Eiyuu Ou | Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia, Fire Emblem Series
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Panic Attacks, Self-Worth Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-08
Updated: 2017-06-08
Packaged: 2018-11-10 18:30:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11132379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gay_as_fuck/pseuds/Gay_as_fuck
Summary: Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better.





	all the good that won't come out of you

**Author's Note:**

> well, here's the angst I promised. I hope you guys are still enjoying the story. I honestly have no idea what the next part will be but it might be coming to a close? idk guys. Just enjoy ur lukas angst. Today's title comes from the song of the same name.

Faye inspected Lukas’ chest again, running her left hand over the almost-gone bruise. Lukas lay in his bed, not reacting.  
  
“It’s not your wound that’s left you like this, and when it comes to body shut downs you should be fine.” Faye clutched at her staff tight in her right hand.  
  
“I wish I knew what was stopping your recovery but I better figure it out soon.” Lukas pulled a smile onto his face.  
  
“You are doing everything you can. It is not your fault my body is rebelling against the both of us.” Lukas’ attempt at a joke fell flat if Faye’s frown was anything to go by.  
  
“Lukas, it’s been five days since you first woke up like this and nothing has changed! Your body should have regained energy but it won’t.” Faye’s face scrunched up as she tried not to yell out her frustrations.  
  
“Have you asked Clive if I can do any work I can manage? I can surely write or document things.” Lukas asked in a vain attempt to shift the topic from Faye’s failure as a cleric.  
  
“For the last time Lukas, he won’t let you work at all until you’ve made a full recovery. He really does care about you.” Something in Lukas’ chest coiled slightly.  
  
“Can I please talk to him. I’d like to at least know what I’ll need to catch up when I get on my feet again.” Faye weighted the idea in her head before nodding and exiting the tent with a purpose in her step.  
  
The thing in Lukas’ chest began to tighten, coiling like a spring. Lukas needed to get up. He had work to do. Every time he used all of his energy to take a single sip of water he was reminded of how much paperwork he was missing. There were accounts to manage, trails to map, silver to budget.  
  
Each time he failed another attempt to stand Lukas’ mind drifted to all the training he was missing. He would be rusty by the time he got back to fighting if he ever got back to that at all.  
  
If he could not fight or work what use was he to the Deliverance. He didn’t have anything to distract himself from his thoughts so they cut back to when he was younger. There had been times when he was far too sick to stand, much less work, and he had forced himself to do it anyways.  
  
It was that or have his brother come down and force it himself. His brother had done it once when the simple act of getting up had proven too much for Lukas. His brother had come into his quarters and forced him to stand.  
  
Lukas knew that he should hate his brother. Python and Forsyth hated him simply upon hearing only parts of what he had done.  
  
A part of Lukas’ mind, one that sounded too much like his brother, said that he probably deserved that. There was work to be done and he needed to do it no matter what.  
  
That had always been his one saving grace. He did all of the work put forth for him, no matter how daunting the task. He did it because there simply wasn’t any other option. That was what had put him in Clive’s favor, and the favor of most of the Deliverance.  
  
There was a rustling from the entrance to the tent. Lukas turned his attention there and for a moment, instead of Clive, he saw his brother entering with Faye. His body flinched. He cursed himself, why was it now that he couldn’t do the only thing that made him worth keeping around. It was probably the conversations he had been having with Python and Forsyth which had been drudging up old memories.  
  
Memories he would rather bury.  
  
“Lukas? Was there a reason you asked for me?” Clive’s tone was soft and almost paternal. He rushed over to Lukas’ bedside.  
  
“Do you have any idea why you’re still like this?” Lukas shook his head solemnly, sharing a moment of silence with Clive.  
  
“I do have one theory- though it might not be all that accurate.” Faye piped up from behind Clive which drew the attention of her two companions.  
  
“Please, do enlighten us, Faye.” Faye took Clive’s invitation to speak and began her theory.  
  
“Well, some people can die of a broken heart right? So it stands to figure that other stress related things might slow recovery, or in Lukas’ case stop it all together. I heard from my mentor in Ram that sometimes the body shuts down when it’s been under too much stress. It then needs an emotional outlet to relieve the stress so it can regain energy. That’s probably what happened here, except Lukas hasn’t been able to release the stress so my magic can’t properly affect him because his body isn’t out of that vigilance mode.” After completing her analysis Faye looked to Clive and Lukas. She quickly remembered her place and blushed profusely.  
  
“But that’s just a theory.” Clive rubbed his chin lightly, debating the validity of Faye’s idea. Lukas spoke up before his commander.  
  
“That’s probably what happened. You are a very skillful young woman Faye.” Faye clapped her hands excitedly and perked up a little.  
  
“Thank you so much, sir.”  
  
“How would you recommend putting your theory into practice?” Clive inquired as he fixed his green eyes right into Faye’s brown ones.  
  
“I didn’t exactly think that part through,” Faye muttered under her breath, the excitement from Lukas’ complement gone. Clive turned his attention back to Lukas.  
  
“I admire your work and consider us friends, but I do not know much of your emotions. What do you think?”  
  
Lukas went stock still, trying to come up with something to say. Should he be scared or relieved, what would Clive or Forsyth or even Python do in this situation? Python and Forsyth, they might be able to help.  
  
“Python and Forsyth could assist me, they are my closest friends in the Deliverance after all.” There, that was something a regular person might say. Getting past Clive was the easy part, he had perfected that art. Actually forcing his body to feel emotion would be the tough part.  
  
Python and Forsyth had managed to make him feel something positive, they might be able to assist with other emotions as well.  
  
“I’ll get them”, Clive decided, “We’ll let you have your privacy after that. I do not want to intrude on your personal business.” Clive stared down at Lukas, his jaw set in a line.  
  
“If this does not work, I’m going to need to put someone in your position until you do get better.” The thing in Lukas’ chest tightened into what felt like a huge stone weighing him down and pushing against his chest plate.  
  
Faye and Clive exited the tent, leaving Lukas to his own thoughts again. Before everything had been fine, he had been able to do his work without becoming his own problem. Even though he didn’t have any drive to fight he had always justified it to himself that he deserved his spot as Clive’s right-hand man.  
  
He couldn’t work, he couldn’t fight, he had no reason to waste the valuable time and resources of his fellow soldiers. Something in his heart ached, it told him to make it up to all the soldiers. He had to stand, to get up and do the one thing he was good for.  
  
His body didn’t respond no matter how much he yelled and begged for it to just stand. His brother’s voice rang out in his head again, only this time it passed his lips as well.  
  
“Pathetic.”  
  
The tent’s entrance opened, allowing Forsyth and Python to enter. Both wore somewhat grim expressions, their usual merriment gone.  
  
They both reached Lukas’ mat and sat down on either side of him. Lukas was about to open his mouth and explain why Python shushed him.  
  
“Faye and Clive told us. We sure do have our work cut out for us don’t we.” Python gave a laugh but it lacked humor.  
  
“How will this work?” Forsyth inquired, shifting his weight slightly in an attempt to get more comfortable.  
  
“I assume Lukas here has to have a breakdown or something. One with actual emotions this time.” Forsyth frowned at Python’s response.  
  
“You asked me what made me feel better last time? Maybe we have to start with worse.” Lukas’ words hung heavy in the air. Forsyth and Python were both hesitant to speak, though Forsyth came up with the words first.  
  
“What makes you feel ‘worse’?” Lukas sighed and closed his eyes, hoping that nothing inside him would break. He felt a little like glass, and if he said too much the pressure in his chest might break everything. It was an odd feeling.  
  
“The manor, my father, my brother.” Python set his jaw and clenched his hands at his side. He wanted desperately to send a good arrow through the chest of Lukas’ family.  
  
“Why?” Forsyth was again the one to ask.  
  
“They hated me, both of them. We all fought and made me prove myself.” After another tense moment of silence, Python found it in himself to speak.  
  
“I think I know what might work. I’m just gonna play your brother and Forsyth can play pops.” Python’s tone was tense and something dark gleamed in his eyes. Forsyth gave Python an uneasy stare when Lukas opened his eyes again.  
  
“I just need both of you to go with me and trust me on this.” Lukas and Forsyth nodded in unison as Python whispered a soft ‘i’m sorry’ under his breath.  
  
“You’ll answer me when I talk to you God damn it!” Python growled out in what he could only assume was the way Lukas’ father acted. His guess proved right as Lukas flinched slightly.  
  
“Will neither of you treat your father with some respect?!” Python tried again, attempting to get Forsyth to play along.  
  
“I don’t have to respect you! I don’t even have to love you!” Forsyth shot back, faked but realistic anger threatening to boil over in his voice.  
  
“Once you die this will all be mine!” Lukas closed his eye again, clenching his jaw and hands. He could imagine the manor, all of the servants crowded as far away from the table as possible.  
  
“Watch your tongue young man or I will leave you out of the fortune!” Lukas couldn’t tell if what he was hearing was a memory or the acting of Python but it sent an involuntary shiver down his spine.  
  
“And give it all to the worthless son? I know you’d rather die than let that happen.”  
  
That was the tipping point. His father and brother had known the truth. That had been before he had learned the vital skill of work which kept him in the house. The only reason his father and brother had not thrown him out of the house and to the wolves had been that he did such good work and they didn’t even have to pay him.  
  
Lukas couldn’t work anymore. Clive would realize that there was no reason to keep him around. He would really be left alone this time, except this time it wouldn’t be a house he wished he could hate.  
  
This time he would be thrown out of the only place he ever imagined he could be something close to good and happy.  
  
The thing in Lukas’ chest exploded. His breathing picked up and something hot and wet started streaming down his face. He was crying. He couldn’t cry, his brother would see and then-  
  
“Hey hey we’ve got you.” That was Forsyth’s voice, drawing him out of the manor and back into the medical tent at the Deliverance camp.  
  
Python and Forsyth grabbed both of Lukas’ hands in an attempt to steady him. He was crying a lifetime’s worth of keeping in fears.  
  
“Come on, give me a hand”, Python asked Forsyth as he started pulling Lukas up towards himself. Forsyth assisted until Lukas was right where he needed to be. That place being sobbing into Python’s shoulder as Forsyth rubbed circles into his back.  
  
Every so often Forsyth or Python would mutter _hey I've got you_ or _you're safe now_  into his ear. At some point, Lukas seemed to have sobbed himself dry and fallen asleep on Python’s damp shoulder.  
  
“Fuck” was all he had to say about the turn of events. Forsyth sighed, helping Lukas lay back down.  
  
“Is that all you have to say?” Python shot Forsyth a side eye at the comment.  
  
“Well that’s all about I can vocalize right now. He’s really fucked up.” Forsyth nodded solemnly while he stared down at Lukas’ face.  
  
“I do think it’s a step in the right direction.” Forsyth offered his ever present optimism, even if subdued.  
  
“Step in the right direction? We had to give he a fucking panic attack.” Python almost yelled his retort before lowering his voice aging in case he woke Lukas.  
  
“Well panic, that’s something at least.”


End file.
